Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Michele Bachmann Calls it Quits

The world of political comedy suffered a deadly blow this morning.

Crazy-Eyes Bachmann
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced, at 3am, that she will not run again for her seat in the House of Representatives.

Why now? Could it be because the polls show her Democratic opponent, Jim Graves, even with, or a little ahead of her? Or might it be because she's being investigated by the Federal Elections Commission for ethics violations in her 2012 presidential campaign, and just this week the FBI launched a criminal investigation?

She also recently suffered a setback when, after fighting to block same-sex marriage, it was signed into law in Minnesota just days ago.

We've enjoyed so many laughs over the last eight years. I remember like it was just yesterday (stroke your chin, look up, and hear the harp strumming in your head):

  • In 2008, she accused her fellow House members of being anti-American when she said, "the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look at the views of the people in Congress -- are they pro-America or anti-America?"
  • Then there was the time she confused John Wayne, the movie actor, with a serial killer. While campaigning in Waterloo, Iowa, she claimed she was "campaigning in the spirit of John Wayne, who was from Waterloo." Unfortunately, the actor was not from Waterloo.  But serial killer John Wayne Gacy was.
  • At another campaign stop, she made the audience sing Happy Birthday to Elvis. Sadly, it wasn't his birthday -- it was the anniversary of his death.
  • While campaigning in New Hampshire, she mistakenly claimed the Revolutionary War began there. "You're in the state where the shot was heard 'round the world in Lexington and Concord." Apparently she confused Concord, New Hampshire with Concord, Massachusetts.
  • Then there was the time she claimed our Founding Fathers were against slavery. "Slavery was evil and a scourge and a blot and a stain upon our history. But we also know that the very founders that wrote these documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States." Uh, no, Michele. Many of the Founding Fathers, including George Washington, owned slaves. It took almost 100 years before the Emancipation Proclamation was signed.
  • She claimed that Obamacare meant that "someone's 13 year old daughter could walk into a 'sex clinic,' have an abortion, and be back home" via the
    We'll miss the corn dogs while campaigning in Iowa.
    school bus that very night.
  • Pretending climate change doesn't exist, she asserted, "carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas."
Let's hope, for comedy's sake, that Rupert Murdock realizes that Michele's vacuous stare, tenuous grasp of politics and history, and tendency to blurt out the most bizarre statements makes her the perfect candidate to be the next Fox Channel contributor.

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